Dear Kind & Gentle Readers –
I got tricked!!! Yes, I got tricked. Wait until you hear what Mom and Dad did to me this time.
It started innocently enough. After the grand morning ritual of the giving of the treats, Mom let me back outside again. I was so happy! It was a nice day out and there were lots of little boys to bark at as they walked to the bus stop.
Then Mom comes around to the side gate, whispers my name, and rattles my harness. Oh wow, wow, wow. I’m going for a walk! Or to daycare! No, a walk! Check pee-mail! Joy, joy, joy. Can you tell how excited I was? And I was alone – no sharing Mom with any of my brothers. Little did I know that was by design, until it was too late.
So Mom let me out and I ran up and down the fence as fast as I could, but finally I was a good boy and let her put my harness on. Dad was waiting by the car and more wow!! Now, I’m going with Dad in the car. I just excited and excited and excited.
We got out of the car and I hop, skip and run in the building with Dad. Uh-oh. Brake time. This isn’t daycare! And sure isn’t a walk! Nooooooooooooooooooo. I’m at the vet!!!!!
Dad gave me to the torturers, who put me a cage. Eventually I was too sleepy to stay awake and the next thing I know, my mouth hurts and so does the back of my neck. Ewww! My teeth got cleaned and a lump on the back of my neck is gone now. Double icky! My neck got shaved and the stitches itch, but Mom and Dad won’t scratch it for me. At least I don’t have to wear a bozo collar.
I don’t care if it’s for my own good. I don’t care if the vet says it was good the lump was taken off while it was still small. Don’t care don’t care don’t care. I wanted a walk and I didn’t get one. In fact, I didn’t feel good when Dad put me back in the car. I didn’t throw up, but I think I walked into a wall. And the couch seemed to be a long way up from the ground.
So that was my big adventure. And let me tell you, it stunk. It was like getting a bath but worse. I mean, was that fair? Hellooooooo – a harness means a walk!! Don’t you people know that?
Mom was nice to me later (take note Dad – you could have given me more treats to make it up to me. A lot more treats. But did you? No.) She stroked my head, cooed at me and told me what a good boy it was. How could I resist melting in her hands? I love it when she uses that special tone of voice and looks in my eyes.
But dear readers – you can help me out. Yes, you. Am I not pitiful? And deserving of treats? So send treats. Lots of them. Oh, wait, Mom just said something to me. WHAT????? I’m too fat already? But I need treats! Uh-oh. Mom just said no. No – wait – don’t take the keyboard away – I promise to be good – no asking for treats.
Dad! Dad! Mom’s nuts! Let me out in the yard – now. Yes, now. Hurry up man and get that door open!
Gotta go! Be good and don’t get in trouble with Mom about treats.
[Note: The beagle finally has his own page. If you’d like to read more of his blog posts, check the tabs at the top or go to here.]