Change Is Inevitable But Not Welcomed


One of the things I love about my daughter’s house is her long porch with the tall trees to shade it and create privacy.  I can sit out there and read without the passing by cars knowing I’m there.  It’s pretty, relaxing, and a lovely place to be.

Picture from last year. The lighting isn’t the best, but it shows how the trees shade the porch.

Unfortunately, these trees are Bradford pears.  They grow fast but are soft and don’t often live beyond 10 to 15 years before breaking.  These trees are unusually large for a Bradford pear and are probably closer to 30 years old then 15.  Shortly after my daughter moved in, one of them snapped off and she had it removed.

This is a panoramic view from the porch using my cell phone.
It doesn’t bend like this – the porch is a straight line.

After my visit in May, high winds caused another tree to come down.  It didn’t damage the house or roof, but the time had come to do something before the house was damaged.  So with reluctance my daughter had the trees all removed.  It was a right decision and something she should have probably done sooner.

Not too surprisingly, the house looks pretty naked without those trees.  There are three little cherry trees she put in several years ago in anticipation of this happening, but they haven’t grown much.  Even with the Bradfords being gone, they will grow slowly.  She’s giving thought to putting in some maple trees to get privacy quicker.  It’s still a nice porch to relax on, just a little less private.

Not only were the trees taken down, but she replaced the stairs as well. As you can see, they haven’t been painted yet. That’s yet another weekend project for her.

I hate change.  We’ve had so much of it in our lives.  Some was willing, but much of it was forced on us from employers who went bankrupt to jobs that disappeared.  Other changes are coming.  Our daughter hopes someday to marry.  That will change our relationship with her.  It will be a good change, but we will no longer be the center of her life.  We support her desire to find the right guy, but I’m not sure we’ll be ready for the changes that will bring.  It will certainly take some adjustment to give way to someone else in her life.  Of course, if she has children, that will change our relationship even more.  It will all take adjustment.

Close up of the blossoms on a Bradford pear.

It’s been the same at work.  People have left, new people come.  As my projects change, I start working with people I’ve known for a long time but never dealt with before.  Those changes are good and bad as we get to know each other and adjust.

My favorite boy toy and I have had physical changes as we get older.  We need to watch our diet more carefully, exercise regularly, and be sure to get enough sleep.  We don’t bounce back like we used to when we were younger.  My boy toy wears trifocals now and I wear bifocals.  It stinks.  I really hate bobbing my head trying to focus on something that I’m being shown.

Change isn’t bad even though I’m often an unwilling participant.  I’ve worked with great people I wouldn’t have otherwise.  In-laws can be a wonderful addition to a family.  My father-in-law loved me like his own child and I loved him back.  I’ve lived in some great towns and made a home no matter where we lived, whether in Chicago’s suburbs or Iowa’s small towns.

The new view from the porch.

Some things that help me cope with change is to remember:

  • This too shall pass.  Whatever the change is, it will eventually become the new normal.
  • Change can bring wonderful things if I keep my mouth shut and my attitude positive long enough for me to actually see what the change is bringing.
  • It helps to vent.  My husband, my daughter, and my sister have all been great at helping me gain perspective and accept that some things happen that just cannot be controlled.
  • And sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and suck it up.

[Topic Change]  I am back from Atlanta and seeing my daughter.  We had fun.  I juiced a lot of apples and have other pictures to share.  I also met her boyfriend of several months (nice guy!) and a friend that we’ve known for a while came over for dinner to celebrate his birthday with us.

The drive home was somewhat better than the drive down, but I did lose time slowing down for several downpours.  It really rained hard and I couldn’t see the cars ahead of me at times.

I had a great time and am glad I went before tax season gets in full swing for me.  The federal return is nearly done and now it’s time to start filing all those state tax returns.  My team is nearly ready – just a few more days and we’ll get it started.  We’ll be working on returns through the end of October at least.  And just a few weeks after that, I’ll be back to see her again for Thanksgiving.  The time will go fast as always.

Have a good week!