Change Is Inevitable But Not Welcomed

One of the things I love about my daughter’s house is her long porch with the tall trees to shade it and create privacy.  I can sit out there and read without the passing by cars knowing I’m there.  It’s pretty, relaxing, and a lovely place to be.

Picture from last year. The lighting isn’t the best, but it shows how the trees shade the porch.

Unfortunately, these trees are Bradford pears.  They grow fast but are soft and don’t often live beyond 10 to 15 years before breaking.  These trees are unusually large for a Bradford pear and are probably closer to 30 years old then 15.  Shortly after my daughter moved in, one of them snapped off and she had it removed.

This is a panoramic view from the porch using my cell phone.
It doesn’t bend like this – the porch is a straight line.

After my visit in May, high winds caused another tree to come down.  It didn’t damage the house or roof, but the time had come to do something before the house was damaged.  So with reluctance my daughter had the trees all removed.  It was a right decision and something she should have probably done sooner.

Not too surprisingly, the house looks pretty naked without those trees.  There are three little cherry trees she put in several years ago in anticipation of this happening, but they haven’t grown much.  Even with the Bradfords being gone, they will grow slowly.  She’s giving thought to putting in some maple trees to get privacy quicker.  It’s still a nice porch to relax on, just a little less private.

Not only were the trees taken down, but she replaced the stairs as well. As you can see, they haven’t been painted yet. That’s yet another weekend project for her.

I hate change.  We’ve had so much of it in our lives.  Some was willing, but much of it was forced on us from employers who went bankrupt to jobs that disappeared.  Other changes are coming.  Our daughter hopes someday to marry.  That will change our relationship with her.  It will be a good change, but we will no longer be the center of her life.  We support her desire to find the right guy, but I’m not sure we’ll be ready for the changes that will bring.  It will certainly take some adjustment to give way to someone else in her life.  Of course, if she has children, that will change our relationship even more.  It will all take adjustment.

Close up of the blossoms on a Bradford pear.

It’s been the same at work.  People have left, new people come.  As my projects change, I start working with people I’ve known for a long time but never dealt with before.  Those changes are good and bad as we get to know each other and adjust.

My favorite boy toy and I have had physical changes as we get older.  We need to watch our diet more carefully, exercise regularly, and be sure to get enough sleep.  We don’t bounce back like we used to when we were younger.  My boy toy wears trifocals now and I wear bifocals.  It stinks.  I really hate bobbing my head trying to focus on something that I’m being shown.

Change isn’t bad even though I’m often an unwilling participant.  I’ve worked with great people I wouldn’t have otherwise.  In-laws can be a wonderful addition to a family.  My father-in-law loved me like his own child and I loved him back.  I’ve lived in some great towns and made a home no matter where we lived, whether in Chicago’s suburbs or Iowa’s small towns.

The new view from the porch.

Some things that help me cope with change is to remember:

  • This too shall pass.  Whatever the change is, it will eventually become the new normal.
  • Change can bring wonderful things if I keep my mouth shut and my attitude positive long enough for me to actually see what the change is bringing.
  • It helps to vent.  My husband, my daughter, and my sister have all been great at helping me gain perspective and accept that some things happen that just cannot be controlled.
  • And sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and suck it up.

[Topic Change]  I am back from Atlanta and seeing my daughter.  We had fun.  I juiced a lot of apples and have other pictures to share.  I also met her boyfriend of several months (nice guy!) and a friend that we’ve known for a while came over for dinner to celebrate his birthday with us.

The drive home was somewhat better than the drive down, but I did lose time slowing down for several downpours.  It really rained hard and I couldn’t see the cars ahead of me at times.

I had a great time and am glad I went before tax season gets in full swing for me.  The federal return is nearly done and now it’s time to start filing all those state tax returns.  My team is nearly ready – just a few more days and we’ll get it started.  We’ll be working on returns through the end of October at least.  And just a few weeks after that, I’ll be back to see her again for Thanksgiving.  The time will go fast as always.

Have a good week!

Life Lessons

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I am a backyard adventurer, philosopher and observer, recording my life in journals and photographs. Visit my blog at

15 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Nancy – My landscape expert ( husband Bob) suggests a tulip poplar as replacement in your daughters yard- nice leaf and a pretty shade tree – grows reasonably fast. Also a Autumn Blaze maple is a cross between the red maple and the fast growing silver maple. But make sure to ask specifically for Autumn Blaze. Both would make a pretty sturdy shade tree. ( he just told me to say – not pin oak, because somebody will recommend it – and do not do it)
    You know, change doesn’t bother me much. I guess there has been so much change in my life that it is just expected – kind of – ok, so thats new – and I move on. I know you will be getting busy at work – just remember to take time for yourself too! Have a good weekend- K

    • Those both sound great – tell Bob thanks for the suggestions.

      You think I’d do better with all the change I’ve had, but it seems I’m even more resistant now than when I was younger. I think I’m just tired of everything I lose each time there’s a change. I gain things, but I lose a lot too from friends to money even to building a reputation and enjoying the fruits of my hard work.

      I will be careful to take care of myself. When the overtime gets so extensive, I try to make sure to eat right, get enough sleep and exercise. I might not read, watch TV or take pictures, but I try to be fresh and energetic each day.


  3. Change is very hard for me, too. At least once a week I am driven by the house Mom and I shared before I moved here. Once, there was a lovely crepe myrtle out front, and some evergreens on the side. Now, it looks like every other small house in the city!! 8-( !!

  4. My parent’s property had two large beech trees, apple trees and several evergreens. I thought trees lasted forever. When I married and moved here, I learned that trees are temporal, easily destroyed by development, damaged by storms, removed at the owner’s request. Where life had been stable, we then moved four times in four years, and added a little family member, too. Change came, and I didn’t always accept it gracefully. But this is life, we might as well get used to it! lol Have you heard the saying, “A son is a son til he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life?” Hang in there, some of the changes are truly blessings.

    • Trees are much more easily destroyed than you’d think. One of last year’s microbursts lifted our willow tree out of the yard and laid it on its side. I was in the backyard when it happened and never heard a thing. Our neighbor was looking right at it when it happened and never heard a thing either. I guess it was quite the show though!

      Accepting change gracefully is an acquired skill, but it seems like I spend a lot of time relearning it. Your advice to me is very good though – some changes are truly a blessing. That’s another good point I should have put in my post :)

      Thanks Patti! You’ve been through this before me and I’m sure we’ll adjust, but some days the hill looks pretty steep to climb up.

  5. The only thing constant is change. I am usually pretty good about change and sometimes even crave it. But we had a huge change in my employment contract April 1 and I know I didn’t take to it well. I often had to give myself a talking too. (i liked your second point, could have used that a few times) It is now four months of the new contract and I am finally accepting the change. In the grand scheme of things, four months isn’t very long, but they sure seemed long to me!
    I love your daughter’s house, with and without the big trees. I have been through my daughter’s marriage, divorce and now a long time relationship. A daughter is a daughter no matter who is in her life, that love never changes.

    • I agree – change doesn’t go on forever, it just seems that way. I don’t expect my daughter’s love for us to change, but the relationship will have to evolve when we’re no longer her sole support system. It’s the natural order of things, but we’re really used to having her all to ourselves when we visit.

      I always enjoy your encouragement to enjoy my daughter as she is (and now her house too). Thanks for each time you write me a note and encourage me with my priorities in my relationships.

  6. oh gosh nancy I could really relate to this post. We had Bradford pears back in OH and you are right—they just can’t handle aging or windstorms. I don’t like the transition of change, either. Once I am used to the new thing I am fine. but boy oh boy getting through the transition is always a tough thing for me. so glad you got to get to see your daughter before tax season set in for you. i think the hardest thing these days is just plain finding time to get everything done…..and to still have some fun times amongst it all. i loved this post~you have a good rest of the week. hugs and prayers for you and your hubby and daughter too.

    • Thanks Kate! Transitions are really tough. You just don’t know what to expect or how long it will last.

      It was fun to see my daughter. I’m glad I do this every year before it gets crazy at work. At least I’m not working on tax returns in my sleep. . . yet.

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