I sit here with a jumble of thoughts and am not sure where to even start this. No, I’m not giving up the blog. But I have enjoyed not posting so frequently and doing other things. I’ve really, really enjoyed it. But I am concerned that the longer I’m away, the more I will not want to bother keeping it up.
I’ve also not been taking many pictures. I’m not taking camera each time I leave the house. I’ve enjoyed a break from the camera, but I’m also missing not taking pictures and looking at them later.
I’m still finishing off my class with Sheila Bender. I’ve submitted my last essay, and am behind by two weeks in commenting on the essays of my fellow participants. I’m not the only one that has fallen behind. The critiques in general have slowed way down.
Mostly though, I’m dealing with a major load of discouragement about everything.
- Why write? There are so many good authors out there who beg for recognition already.
- Why blog? Everyone’s too busy to be bothered reading them anyhow.
- Why cook? It takes 20 minutes to eat, but there’s so much effort to get the groceries, assemble a meal, then clean up afterwards.
- Why exercise? I don’t feel better, I’m not losing weight, and it just makes me achy and sore.
- Here’s a real good one – why do daily devotions? I’m not much enjoying Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, but nothing is appealing to me for a replacement. It’s one more thing I don’t have time for – the devotions themselves and finding something else I’d enjoy more.
I can apply that attitude to pretty much everything going on in my life right now. It’s sucked the joy out of my days more frequently than it should. I feel I’m back to where I was at the beginning of 2011 when I worked on having more gratitude in my life. Well THAT didn’t take long to backslide.
I am working though on identifying some of what is making me unhappy. By identifying it, I can decide if there’s something that can be changed, make it more acceptable, or eliminate the pressure point.
I’ve enjoyed the Sheila Bender class, but I don’t see myself writing a book of essays for publication at any time in the future. I’m not liking the longer pieces, to read or to write. I will likely use what I’ve learned in working on some family photo albums, but I don’t think I want to invest the effort into a self-published book of essays.
For the same reason, I no longer see myself working on fiction. I sit at a computer all day for my job and I don’t want to do the same at night either. An hour for a blog relaxes me and is enjoyable. I try to write the best blog posts that I can, but not all succeed. That’s okay. Tomorrow’s another day. At the end of 2011, I had a number of posts to be proud of, many more than to cringe at. But I’m not writing and rewriting them for hours on end as I would have to do on a book.
I’m working slowly on a how-to book on doing a daily challenge and been enjoying it. I’ll probably continue with it for now as for some reason, it doesn’t bother me as much as the personal essays or fiction.
Other changes in my routine? I’m only swimming one day a week. It still helps me. I wish I was doing more, but I’m not fitting it in my schedule. Oh yeah, I’m also working late most nights. I come home, eat, watch a little TV and off to beddy bye. I’ve gone back to my walks during lunch instead, especially on the days I think I’ll be too tired or getting home too late to go to the gym. By not taking the camera, I can do a more vigorous walk and not take as long.
I’m enjoying doing more cooking. My favorite boy toy is on his art fair circuit, so I’ve also taken back the grocery shopping, but that is only for a few weeks. We’ve also been enjoying our homemade pizzas. It’s still taking longer than it should, but it’s been fun doing them together. I’ll do another post soon on what we’ve been learning. The ultimate compliment? A fellow blogger making her own pizza a few days later because mine looked so good. She did a Chicago-Style Pan Pizza, so check it out.
I generally don’t like to apologize in my blog posts. It’s a personal preference – if I need to apologize, I shouldn’t be posting it to start with. But I am sorry to be whining. So why am I letting this post go?
Because I’m not the only one who struggles with these things or who is struggling with them now. It comforts me when my fellow bloggers share their problems, discouragements, and solutions. I appreciate when they identify what they are struggling with and why. It helps me put my own life in better perspective or try something I had not thought of.
Laughter helps a lot when I’m feeling this way. So here’s something for you to laugh about. SOMEBODY missed the lecture on the evils of smoking. He’s not exactly Fred MacMurray with a pipe, although he’s still a handsome boy.
I am a backyard adventurer, philosopher and observer, recording my life in journals and photographs. Visit my blog at www.livingtheseasons.com.