Day Of Reckoning Not Fast Enough

The last few days have had some posts about lack of honesty.

Maria Popova, in her blog Brain Pickings, talked about how the Huffington Post over-aggregated a post of hers, i.e., “reposting a reworded article with no substantive additional reporting and no prominent via-link for proper source attribution.”  She went on to a thoughtful analysis of the conflict between price and value, of consumer expectations to pay nothing versus the creators need to be paid.  Maria also gave this link to another good article on over-aggregating.

David Gaughran, in his blog Let’s Get Digital, discusses how Penguin Publishing has launched a self-publishing service that over-charges significantly, something an inexperienced writer might not be know in their dealings with this old and established publishing house.  I learned a great deal about the pitfalls of self-publishing and what to be careful about.  For a positive personal experience on self-publishing, check out Christine Grote’s Random Thoughts From Midlife.  A great resource about creating an e-Book can be found at Blogging by Amy.

Lastly, Talin Orfalli has a short but powerful post on dealing with two faced people with concrete suggestions for staying firm in who you are and evaluating the people in your life who do or do not support you.

What’s frustrating to me, is that so often the day of reckoning might not come fast enough for situations like this.  Relationships can be destroyed through the interference of people who have slandered you (see my story at the end).  If too many things are stolen (embezzled, plagarized, whatever), businesses can die, destroying dreams and families.  Taking things into your own hands can provoke the law of unintended consequences, where something worse gets triggered than if you left it alone.  But sometimes, leaving it alone makes it worse or destroys you.

There’s no easy answers, even in hindsight.  You never know if you should have acted faster or done nothing and see if it blows over.  How would you know?  You have no perfect knowledge.  You don’t know if you’re dealing with a bully that will punish you long past the event is over or a bully who will turn tail and run.

I had this happen years ago, at a then local gym.  The trainers there knew my favorite boy toy and myself.  One day I went to exercise after work and two of the idiots came over to tell me that my boy toy was there with another woman.  Really, I asked them, really?  They spent a fair amount of time telling me that he was cheating on me and I shouldn’t trust him.  They were serious too, trying to stir up trouble.  She was quite the looker they said.  He touched her.  Inappropriately?  No, no, but he touched her showing her the equipment.  What else could she be but a girlfriend.

Finally, after a few more minutes of this, I said – was she tall?  Blond?  Really hot?  Yes, yes, yes.  YOU IDIOTS, I finally yelled at them, THAT WAS OUR DAUGHTER (who at that time was college age and yes, quite hot).  I wished I had a camera to take a look on their face.  I quit the gym not long after – that I did not need and I took my business somewhere else.  Marriages need support, not tearing down, especially not from casual acquaintances.  What would have happened if I was mad at my boy toy already?  Or we were having a rocky time in our marriage?  Did these guys even care what they were doing?

We all struggle with this problem of people who deliberately or carelessly try to wreck our lives.  It helps to know others have or had the same issue.  It helps to hear stories, to know what to look for and give thought how you’d handle it yourself, whether it’s  to prepare your defenses, strengthen your resolve to be yourself or to not let let the little foxes ruin the vineyard (Song of Solomon 2:15).

Enjoy your Thanksgiving and families!  Travel safe if you’re on the road.

© 2011 dogear6 llc

Word for tomorrow – BLOGGER’S CHOICE.  If you prefer to work ahead, see the list for the week under “A Word A Day”.

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I am a backyard adventurer, philosopher and observer, recording my life in journals and photographs. Visit my blog at

10 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Thanks for the link. That’s a wicked story about the guys at the gym. Good thing you kept your head.

    It’s a jungle out there. I think that is why often times people are hesitant to put themselves out there. People jump on an opportunity to criticize someone else, or cause a problem. For the drama maybe? I don’t know why. I think this whole phenomenon is partly why two of my siblings didn’t sign the release forms for my memoir. They were afraid of backlash. That’s my guess. If you stay private, and keep to yourself, you reduce the size of the target people have to aim at.

    It’s a sad commentary on life today, actually.

    • Thanks for the thoughtful comment. I think you’re right about that being why people don’t want to put themselves out there. I definitely have it at work – it’s a very critical environment on all kinds of things. It’s really easier to just shut up and keep my head down.

  2. “YOU IDIOTS, I finally yelled at them, THAT WAS OUR DAUGHTER (who at that time was college age and yes, quite hot). I wished I had a camera to take a look on their face.”
    Crazy, but hilarious! At least you set them straight!

    • It took me a few minutes to figure out who my husband was with. I didn’t realize she’d already arrived in town. The trigger was when they said how hot and how blond she was and how overly familiar he was with her. I only knew one hot blond he’d be out with publicly. And if he was having an affair, he wouldn’t have been at the health club :)

  3. If only all the “idiots” were casual acquaintances. Sometimes those who tear us down are far too close. Glad you had the strength to figure out that the guys at the gym were making a fuss over your own daughter.

    Taking your business elsewhere is a great approach to idiots. I was taught that it is “voting with your feet.” And that way no one can accuse you of behaving badly in response.

    • I complained to the owner, who rolled his eyes but didn’t do anything about it, which was what usually happened when there was a problem. I’m a firm believer in voting with my dollars. More than a few places that I voted to go out of business did in fact do so.

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