Lengthen The Gap Between Desire And Reality
The calendar on my desk this year is from the book, Women Who Do Too Much by Anne Wilson Schaef (I’ve linked to the 2012 version). I’ve like it much better than I expected. It has a great deal of wisdom, most of it gentle. It’s true, it makes sense, but it doesn’t make me feel guilty or upset.
Yesterday had a quote from the author, Iris Murdoch, that said:
But for most of us the space between ‘dreaming on things to come’ and ‘it is too late, it is all over,’ is too tiny to enter.
The goal then, is to lengthen that space. Here are some specific things I’ve done to help do that:
- Identify what my priorities are
- Figure out what I’m willing to give up to make them happen
- Ask for help and support
- Do it
Identify my priorities – this is where writing out goals in January and September help me. I list everything I think I might want to do. I look for patterns where I’ve written the same thing several different ways as that is a often a sign something is important to me. I look for repeat goals that I’m not getting done and consider whether to drop the goal or finally get it going. Finally I pick several to start with and adjust my goals as needed because either my priority did not bring satisfaction, the timing was better for a different goal, or I accomplished it and did not wish to pursue it further.
Give up something – to meet my goals, I usually have to give up something to have the time. If I cannot, then I have to live with not accomplishing my goals. And some years, that is my reality. Then I try to give up the goal(s) without whining. To blog, I’ve given up my personal journals and a fair amount of my reading time. In exchange for my photography, I no longer needlepoint. I love my reading and I love my needlepoint, but I’ve done plenty of both and want my public writings and photography to be a priority at this time.
Ask for help and support – this one is hard. I am blessed to have a husband who does his share of work around the house. We’re paying to get the lawn mowed this year and in exchange, he’s taken over cooking and grocery shopping for me. When I asked him to do this, I pointed out that I could not be out wandering on the weekends, plus do laundry, bills, and cleaning AND the cooking too. He agreed and took this from me. My house cleaning is spotty and he is fine with that too.
Do it – it is so easy to come home from work and just vegetate. But I have to sit and write my blog posts. I have to take my walks during lunch to get those pictures. If I want other objects of attention for my camera, I have to get out of the house and go take them whether the local botanical gardens or going up to West Virginia for a long weekend. Doing something, even if only a short while a few nights each week, is much better than doing nothing. Momentum is a great help also; once I get going it’s easier to keep going.
I recently read an interview with the author, Darlene Foster. In it, she said that she wrote for two hours a day, including marketing and research. She sets attainable goals such as completing one chapter a month. Even with her modest goals, she’s published two children’s books already! I was in awe of her accomplishments. I might not be able to write for two hours every night, but I bet I could do a chapter a month.
So put together a plan and start acting on it. Adjust it if needed. If you fail, get up and try again. If you succeed, enjoy your accomplishments. Keep with it.
Lengthening the gap between desire and reality is not the only thing getting longer these days. Shadows are lengthening too, like this one I took of myself and then Photoshopped so I didn’t look so fat!!
Word for tomorrow – DISTILL. If you prefer to work ahead, see the list for the week under “A Word A Day”.
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I am a backyard adventurer, philosopher and observer, recording my life in journals and photographs. Visit my blog at www.livingtheseasons.com.
As a woman who often feels like she is doing too much, I truly enjoyed your post. It was very thought provoking and inspirational! I love your suggestion of writing everything down you want to do two times a year and then re-prioritizing. Asking for help is always a good one. I don’t think I am very good at that, but I am going to give it a shot. Great post!!
I’m glad you liked it and found it useful. I do my goals in January for the New Year and again in September. There’s just something about the school year starting that is a perfect time to evalute and change my priorities. I also plan downtime over the summer. I make very few goals as a must do over the summer unless they’re about having fun.
A great post. Love the Iris Murdoch quote and your 4 points are perfect. I certainly had to give some things up, but it was worth it. I am sure you could do a chapter a month! Thanks for the mention.
Thanks Darlene. I appreciate your encouragement. Blogging by Amy has a set of posts on doing an e-book and I think that is going to be a goal for next year.
A lot of food for thought, and it’s getting that time of year to evaluate where we want to go in 2012. Deciding what needs to move aside for new goals is the hard part sometimes. The things I want to get rid of have to stay(housework), and the things I want to keep go by the wayside. :) Here’s my link to today’s post:
Beautiful picture! Great use of the word today. I love that photo – could look at it a long time and not be bored.
A wonderful post – thoughtful & inspiring, and a very clever photo to tie to today’s word.
Thank you! I appreciate the kind words.
I am very impressed with your desire, organization and discipline. I’m a little willy nilly in my approach and I find myself spinning my wheels at times. I’m always so amazed that people who work have the time to blog and write. Good for you.
Thanks for the encouragement. It’s not always easy, especially if I’m tired. My goal this year was to “write, write, write” and I have!